Loved and Lost
by merlucamadness
Summary: First attempt at writing anything, so be kind! This picks up right after Andrew said he loved Meredith.


Meredith was standing there looking deep into Andrew's eyes. He had so much passion and vulnerability in them. She couldn't help but notice how incredibly handsome he was like this.

"I love you." Andrew says with his deep voice that makes Meredith shiver to her core.

Meredith stood there completely frozen. _Did he really just say that? _ She thought. Suddenly, memories of Derek played in her mind and she realizes he was the last person to say that to her. All of a sudden an overwhelming amount of fear came over her and took her breath away.

Meredith manages a smile. "Oh, glad we cleared that up."

She stares a little longer trying to hold back tears. Looking at Andrew you could see he was immediately regretting his decision to tell her so soon in their relationship. Giving a fake smile she turns and darts out the door. She can feel Andrew's eyes on her as she walks away.

Finally, she comes to the nearest supply closet and she hurries in and shuts the door behind her. As soon as the door slammed shut the tears came flowing down her face. She could no longer hold them in. Meredith didn't fully understand the emotion she was feeling right now. She wasn't sad about her late husband, I mean sure she missed him, but she had moved on.

_ So, why the tears? _She thought. _Why did I just smile like an idiot and leave him standing there? _ All she could think about was how in love she was with Derek and it was taken all away. They had their problems and differences but at the end of the day she loved Derek. She was so sure she was never going to find a love like that again.

_What if I lose Andrew too? _She was finally making sense of the tears. She knew she cared deeply for Andrew and what if he gets taken away from her too? _I can't believe he loves me and all I did was stand there. Do I love him back?"_

The night before was actual bliss. Meredith thought back to Andrew pulling her close to him and kissing her neck. She certainly loved his company, that's for sure. The way Andrew made her feel was something she never thought she would feel again. She knew she needed Andrew. She knew she missed him when he was not around. But, love?

Meredith wiped the tears from her face. She had a long day and so many thoughts were swirling around in her head. She needed to go home, take a shower, and just be alone for a while.

She gets home and it's late. Maggie already had the kids fed and put to bed. _Oh, I love that sister of mine. _She thought. The house was silent so Meredith went on up to bed without eating anything. She just couldn't think about food right now.

...

Meredith woke up before her alarm went off and she was immediately met with a wave of sadness and regret. A lump started to form in her throat again. _Don't cry, come on Meredith. _

Andrew had awakened a part of her soul that had lain dormant for years after her husband died. She was dark. Andrew ignited a fire within her that she thought was put out forever. A part of her died right along with Derek. But, Andrew brought her back.

Meredith got lost in her thoughts and she lays in bed awhile just thinking about all the things she loved about Andrew.

She loved his tired and unkempt look when he first wakes up. _How incredibly lucky I am to witness that_.

She loved the way he made her coffee and had it waiting on her when she came downstairs.

_His smell_. He had the most erotic smell. It just makes her feel all kinds of things. _I definitely love that. _

She loved that her house is already full of memories of Andrew. She used to walk in and immediately be reminded of Derek. But, not now, Andrew was the one she thought of. Her bedroom, the kitchen table, the shower, the washing machine.

She loved that slowly he's becoming more and more intertwined in her life. Shoes on the floor, toothbrush on her sink, work notes on the dining table.

She loved how wonderfully happy he has made her since they started dating. She found herself smiling constantly when he's around, even at the mention of his name.

She loved how he could send her over the edge in toe curling orgasms over and over again.

She loved the way his eyes burned into her as he watched her get ready in the mornings wearing nothing but one of his oversized shirts and panties.

She loved how he would come up behind her when she wasn't expecting it and wrap his arms around her, kissing her neck.

She loved how he made her feel completely safe. She trusted him with every fiber of her being.

_His laugh_. She loved his laugh. He has the most infectious laugh that always seemed to make her smile. _I would give anything to hear that laugh right now. _

She loved how he would brush up against her at work without being obvious or how he would wink at her in passing.

She loved when no one was looking he would pull her into the nearest supply closet or on call room just to give her a quick kiss. Even though it was against the rules, she allowed it because she wanted to kiss him too.

She loved how she's gotten used to his company. No matter how her day has gone, good or bad, she couldn't wait to be next to him again. It's all she thought about lately, when's the next time she would get to see Andrew.

She loved waking up next to him and having his body wrapped around her. She could stay like that forever. The rest of the world melted away and in those moments it's just them two.

There are certainly many, many things she loved about him. _Oh, Meredith don't mess this up. _

She's startled out of her thoughts by the sound of her alarm.

...

Amelia comes in the kitchen and pours some coffee.

"So, where was Andrew last night?"

"Um, I guess he had to work late and went to his place." Meredith tried to act as if everything is okay. Amelia usually likes to talk things out. Which Meredith wasn't in the mood for.

"Okay. Are you alright?" Amelia could see something was definitely off with her sister.

"Yeah, I uh, just had a rough day yesterday."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really." Meredith started to tear up again. _Damnit _

"Mer…."

"Amelia, let it go." _She's so pushy sometimes._

"Did he hurt you? I swea-"

"No, he didn't hurt me. But, I think I hurt him."

"Oh, what did you do?"

"He, uh, well, he told me that he loved me." _Why are you telling her this?_

"Wow. Really? What did you say?"

"I ran out the room."

"Yikes. Do you love him?"

"I mean, I don't know. Maybe, I think I do. But all I could think about in that moment was Derek. I loved Derek and I lost him. I have lost so many people that I loved. "

"Well, that's understandable. But, Mer, you can never have too much love. You can never be too full of love. You can't live your life always worrying that the other shoe is going to drop. You never know what life is going to bring. So live right now and enjoy all the love that this man can give. You deserve to be happy and Andrew makes you happy. Loving and losing all comes with being alive."

"When did you get so sensible?" She realized that she really did need to talk it through.

"Eh, I've loved and lost too, Mer." Amelia said. _We really are alike in so many ways._

Suddenly, Meredith's phone goes off. It's Alex.

"Alex, what's going on?"

"Don't freak out, Mer, he's fi-" Meredith cut him off.

"What are you talking about, what happened?"

"It's Andrew." Meredith heart begins to race. _Not again. I can't lose another person. _She thought.

"What!" An overwhelming amount of fear just raced through her body.

"On the way in to work this morning he was in a little motorcycle accident."

"Oh, GOD. Where is he?" By this point Meredith is frantic.

"He's at the hospital."

Meredith hangs up the phone without saying goodbye. She quickly tells Amelia she needs to leave and to please wait for the nanny and rushes out the door.

Meredith never drove so fast in her life. On the way to the hospital she had so many scenarios in her head about what could have happened. _Not again! Not again! _

She keeps thinking about how she just left him standing there and that could be the last time she got to talk to him. Her last memory of him will be that hurt look on his face. The last kiss they shared played over and over. It was a sweet kiss as he was leaving. Sweet, but with so much desire and intensity. _I can't lose him. Please no. _She turned into the hospital parking lot and barely parked the car before jumping out.

Since Meredith hung up the phone so fast Alex texted her the room number. She gets to Andrew's room and she sees him lying there on the hospital bed. _He looks terrible._ An insurmountable amount of emotion came crashing down. Suddenly, Meredith starts to cry again. Andrew had so many scratches and bruises on his face. He was pretty banged up and there was blood on his shirt. _He's alive._

Andrew notices Meredith standing in the door way crying and motions for her to come over.

"I'm sorry." He says with a hurt tone.

"Shhhh don't be sorry. You did nothing wrong." Meredith smiles at him and rubs his hair. Her eyes are glistening from the tears being shed.

"I screwed up." Andrew thinks back to those three words that made Meredith walk out on him.

"What happened?" Meredith is actually happy to hear his voice, as broken as it may sound right now.

"I was on the way to work and a lady in a black Corolla sped through a stop sign."

Just then Owen Hunt walks in to the room.

"He's going to be fine. He's just banged up a little bit with some road rash and dislocated shoulder. He's going to be sore for a while. Lucky guy. The helmet probably saved his life." Owen gives Meredith a confused look. Not exactly knowing when this relationship started.

Meredith, starts crying even harder unable to stop. She reaches for Andrew's hand and holds on tight. In that moment she realizes something. She chooses him. She needs him. She wants him. He brought her back to life after a period of darkness. He makes her soul light up and she never wanted that light to go out. _I need him. I don't ever want to live witho- _Andrew interrupts her thoughts.

"Mer, I am sorry I said that to you yesterday, I know you are not ready. I screwed this up. I don't want you to back away from me now. I ruined a good thing."

"Andrew, shh, you didn't ruin anything. I am right here. I am not going anywhere. Yesterday, when you said that to me, I don't know, I got scared."

"Scared?"

"The last person to say they loved me died. The last person I loved died. Most people I love dies. I can't lose another person. I just needed time to think and clear my head. I didn't know what I wanted. Until now. I want you Andrew. I need you Andrew."

"Mer, you don't have t-"

Allowing herself to be completely vulnerable.

"Andrew, I love you too." Meredith says smiling from ear to ear. Her face is damp from the tears. Yes, she loved him and she wants him to be the last man she says that to.

She looks at him and sees a tear rolling down Andrew's bruised cheek.


End file.
